Friday, July 6, 2012

To whom in you do I speak?

To whom in you do I speak?

When you read my words and they are repeated to you through the perspective of your inner voice, which aspects of your diverse self are being activated and stimulated? Is it your mind.. your rationalizing, comparing, analyzing, justifying mind? Or do I speak to your feelings.. your subtle sense of truth, your quiet inner nudges of divine guidance, with upward surges of elated inspiration and the calmness of contemplation?

I am learning to speak from my feelings, directly to your feelings. Your mind can organize, compare and judge, but it can perceive no truth without the guidance of your feelings. It often steps in to protect us, to defend the position we are temporarily identifying with, against the attacks of "opposing" viewpoints.

I desire to speak in poetry. To rise above the never-ending battlefield of viewpoint opposition, jabbing with swords of right and wrong, weighing and analyzing and studies and proof and convincing. Sometimes I am invited onto the battlefield by a well-intentioned soldier, and my battle strategy is as good as any, better than most. I could forage a lot of powerful weapons to hold my own in the most epic battle of all time.

But I don't have the heart for it. I cannot oppose you. I cannot convince you, win you over to my side, because I don't have a side. My inner world is not constructed of walls, armies, dogmas, evil, and saviors. My inner world is made of laughter, intimacy, togetherness, bridges, and... soaring. Can I even communicate my truth except in poetry? With my words, can I gently take your hand and take you on a vivid, all-encompassing journey into the world of my feelings and imaginings? And can I do this without setting you on guard, triggering defenses raised reactively to your perception of my "opposing" viewpoint? Because... well, sorry, I can't oppose you. But I CAN gaze deeply into your eyes and speak to you in images, if you're ready.

How can I communicate to you that I am not an attachment parent, a raw foodist, a vegan, an unschooler, a purist, a hippie, or a whatever else you may make of me that separates us... how can I communicate that I do not claim ownership of any views that oppose yours, and I am truly battle weary? I am a seasoned strategist, clever with words and concepts, and if I wanted to I could see a dozen moves ahead in any chess-board battle of minds. Sometimes I take the bait and begin to enter the battle, because I still feel so new at communicating in any other way.

But when I step in, I notice the crushing weight of oppression. I notice the tension and blockage in my being, the hard, painful rigidity of defending a position, and I have to step off the battlefield to save my Soul.

The battle is over in my world:  all sides ended up surrendering their positions. It is now just a distant memory of insanity. Now I am simply here in this moment, alone, and always present with every one of you. I desire to know and feel our sameness, our kinship, which I can see in your eyes when we become quiet and still enough to hear the deep hum of the universe itself.

To whom in you do I speak?